Madam Pince: Attack of the Librarian
by Rusty Weasley
Summary: It's Fourth year, and poor Hermione Granger has just had the worst day of her life...or so she thought. What happens when Madam Pince takes an unusual interest in her? Hermione learns a thing or two, that's what!


Madam Pince was used to finding the poor dear there at all times of the day and night, but the Yule Ball was coming soon, and it looked like the child was no closer to finding a date, or an answer for taming _that hair_.

As much as Irma Pince treated the students with less respect than the well-loved, hardbound books that she was entrusted with, she still loved the children. Why else would she have chosen this life as a librarian, rather than any other of the opportunities available to her after her own graduation from Hogwarts? Some might have thought that it was her uncanny ability with curses and jinxes that made her a natural successor to be the protector of the precious books, or maybe there was some mystery in her past that kept her from getting married and starting a family far away from the castle. The real reason, however, was that she loved shaping young minds, but only a select few…

"Good evening, Hermione," Madam Pince said as she snuck up behind the unsuspecting girl.

"Oh, Madam Pince," Hermione started, dropping the book she was reading and losing her place, "I'm sorry, is it time to close?"

"Careful with the book dear," Madam Pince said, picking it up and noticing the title with great interest, _Self-Confidence Without Potions._ She pretended to reminisce about the contents or ruminate on the esoteric qualities of self-confidence, but really all she was doing was counting to ten in order to make Hermione more anxious and susceptible to her plan. _Eight…nine…ten _she finished counting to herself then said, "Hermione, may I offer you a word of advice?"

Hermione looked up at the Librarian in stunned silence. In her four years at Hogwarts, Hermione had heard Madam Pince utter only a handful of sentences that weren't reprimands to other students or criticisms for remaining in the Library after hours. Now she was offering advice on the very day that Hermione had hit rock bottom? This was an odd turn of events, but Hermione genuinely felt that she could sink no lower, so why not listen what the odd Librarian had to say? "Yes ma'am."

Madam Pince smiled inwardly as she pulled out the seat next to the girl. The Library was due to close in a few minutes and there was really no danger anyone would see them talking. "I heard about what happened today. It must have been very embarrassing to have been hit with the _Densaugeo_ curse. I get the feeling that you were already a little self-conscious about your front teeth. Is that right?"

Hermione gripped the hem of her short skirt tightly, a movement not unnoticed by Madam Pince, as she recounted the day's events. That complete bastard, Draco Malfoy, aimed a spell that missed Harry and hit her instead. It made her front teeth grow past her collar in front of the whole class. She then ran out of the dungeons and straight to the first floor girls' bathroom where she planned to hide for the rest of her life. When Madam Pomfrey offered her the counter-spell to shrink her teeth back to normal, Hermione jumped at the chance to give herself a beautiful smile once and for all. She thought that they now looked perfect, but no one seemed to notice.

"Do you feel pretty, dear?" Madam Pince asked as she put her hand on Hermione's shoulder.

"I thought you were going to give me some advice? So far, you've really just been asking me questions," Hermione said as she looked into the Librarian's eyes.

"I'm getting there," Madam Pince smiled as she squeezed Hermione's shoulder gently. "My point is, Hermione, that you are a beautiful young woman, inside and out. You are top in your class and all of your professors, including Professor Snape, rave about your magical abilities."

"Professor Snape?" Hermione asked incredulously.

"Yes. Even though he has a…hard exterior, he recognizes talent. I think that you know you are smart and talented, that's not the problem. You just don't have anyone to make you feel…pretty."

Hermione just nodded.

"As I am sure you have read, beauty comes from within; it starts with self confidence. If you don't think that you are beautiful, who will? Now, do you think that you are beautiful Hermione?"

Hermione shook her head and gave a sad smile.

"Look at me," Madam Pince said, placing her finger under the girl's chin and bringing her gaze upward. "Do I look beautiful to you?"

Hermione shrugged uncomfortably. She was genuinely at a loss for words. A staff member was asking her if she thought she was attractive!

"Well, I am," Madam Pince said as she stood and removed her librarian's robe. She hung it on the back of a chair, and then removed her hat. Once the hatpins were out, beautiful dark locks fell about her shoulders and accentuated her simple but shapely black dress. She had long, lovely legs and a beautiful, toned figure.

"Wow," was all that Hermione could say. She was impressed, but still a little freaked out. This was still Madam Pince, talking to her about looking beautiful. Hermione had never thought about her…as a woman before.

"Now it's your turn," Madame Pince said, gesturing for Hermione to get up and do the same.

As soon as Hermione reluctantly stood, the tables and chairs in the reading area moved effortlessly against the bookshelves, giving Hermione and Madam Pince an open place to stand. One chair remained; Hermione guessed she should hang her robe on.

"I'm not sure about this," Hermione said, feeling almost as self-conscious as she did earlier when her teeth were larger than a beaver's.

"I can keep a secret. Go on, trust me," Madam Pince said with a friendly smile.

Hermione unfastened her school robes and put them gently on the lone chair next to her. She stood fully clothed in her school uniform, and even with her House jumper, she felt like she was naked. Madam Pince walked around her, very slowly, and examined her completely. Hermione felt two hands on her shoulders and shuddered involuntarily as Madam Pince whispered into her ear, "You are beautiful, Hermione. You just need me to show you."

Hermione froze. She realized what was going on. They were alone, after hours, in the darkened Library, and this _woman_ was making advances towards her. She wasn't scared of being hurt, but she was scared of the awkwardness. What if Madam Pince got in trouble for making advances towards her; could she ever come into the Library again? It was her favorite place in the castle. What did this woman intend to do? She imagined having her first kiss with Ron, would it now be with Madam Pince? How could she get out of this? _Think, Hermione, Think._

"Um, Madam Pince? I am not sure this is entirely appropriate. I'm a student, and…"

While Hermione was searching for a way out of what she was sure to be an embarrassing situation, Madam Pince spoke over her, "Hermione, when I was your age, I also was a young woman with a great deal of potential. The Hogwarts Librarian at the time, Valeria Myriadd, took me under her wing and passed centuries of secrets down. I know more about the ways of love than any other woman in Hogwarts. Oh yes, I've taken lovers in my time, and famous ones as well. There are several of your classmates that have no idea that I almost caused the breakup of their parents. There are many lessons to be learned about love; most of all that you can have sex with anyone you want whenever you want. I think that you are rather gifted at Memory Charms?" Madam Pince asked as she stared deep into Hermione's eyes.

Hermione shifted into full panic mode and was about to flee straight to the security of the Gryffindor Common Room when Madam Pince moved toward the end of an aisle and pointed her wand towards her desk at the front of the Library. Madam Pince declared, "_Accio Case!_" and an ominous black bag slowly made its way towards them, moving carefully between the stacks. Madam Pince directed a table to move in front of Hermione, and the bag landed softly on top of it. The Librarian looked into Hermione's eyes and said, "Hermione, everything you need to have the love-life that you dreamed of is in this case."

"Madam Pince, this is inappropriate," Hermione said, trying to be mature and confident. "I am an underage Witch and…"

"Hermione, what do you think we are talking about here?" Madam Pince asked, walking over to the other side of the table and placing a large candelabrum next to it. "This is something just as important as any class you will take here at Hogwarts. This is about how to use your strengths as a woman, and get everything you want. You are an amazingly intelligent young woman. Do you think that just being smart opens doors for you? No. First impressions are the most important thing, and frankly, young lady, you need my help. I am going to show you how to look and act beautiful so that you can have any man you want."

Stunned, Hermione collapsed into her chair. She realized that this meeting wasn't at all what she thought. Madam Pince wanted to teach her how to be beautiful, not take her as a lesbian lover. _What a relief_, she thought. _At least I don't have to fight off the Librarian's advances._ Hermione then eagerly asked, "So, what's in the bag?"

"Not so fast, young lady," Madam Pince reprimanded. "I need a little insurance that you won't go off telling my secrets to anyone. What I have to offer is priceless, and I control who reaps the rewards. Where is it…oh yes, here it is," Madam Pince said as she pulled out a parchment from the depths of her bag. She put the parchment down and said a spell quietly as she waved her wand over the paper, "_Pergameno Eruptio._" As she spoke, the end of her wand ignited and in midair, she traced out the word _SNEAK._ "One of my many gifts," she said with a sly wink toward Hermione, "is a special talent with Jinxes. Typically, I use them to…protect the books. However, I have created a little jinx of my own that makes this document a kind of…binding contract. Signing it will allow me to continue with you; however, if you ever tell anyone about my secrets, your face will break out in horrible boils that spell the word 'sneak'.

Hermione looked at Madam Pince questioningly and said, "The word 'sneak', in boils, on my face? That's pretty harsh." She sat thoughtfully for a second then continued, "I don't suppose there is a counter curse?"

"Trust me, there isn't," Madam Pince said flatly.

Hermione looked over the document quickly before grabbing her quill and signing it. "No one would believe me anyway."

Hermione left the Library tired, but energized. True to her word, Madam Pince had given her the advice of her life. First, they started with innocuous discussions about hair care, and Hermione looked again at the tin of Sleekeazy's Hair Potion nestled among dozens of other products and brushes in her book bag. She was to save this until the night of the Yule Ball, which she would be attending with Viktor Krum. How Madam Pince was so sure that Viktor was going to ask her to go as his date, when he could have chosen any number of the little flirts from Beauxbatons, she had no idea. Madam Pince had also given her some very strict directions about how to deal with Ron Weasley and his lack of outright _balls_ to ask her to the dance or even admit that he liked her. Hermione told Madam Pince that even though it made no rational sense, all of her long-term plans included Ron, but he was being such a _boy_. She knew that he liked her, but he was too shy to express his feelings.

According to the wise counsel of Madam Pince, the key to securing a long-term relationship with Ronald was to go to the Ball with Viktor, and show Ron that he needed to move forward in their relationship. It would take a while for him to come around, and in the meantime, Viktor could get her the attention and recognition in the Wizarding world that she needed. Witches and Wizards would see that not only was Hermione Granger the 'brightest witch of the age', but she could be quite a head-turner as well.

The part that had given her pause was the 'forced crying', as Madam Pince called it. Supposedly, at the end of every dance, there comes the moment when you are confronted by the boy that should have asked you. Hermione smiled slyly as she thought about what Madam Pince wanted her to say when she forced herself to erupt in heartbroken tears, "_Next time there's a ball, ask me before someone else does, and not as a last resort!_"

After the dance, and the inevitable dumping of Viktor, Hermione was to stay as close to Ron as possible, but not to start any physical relationship or kissing of any kind until the exact right moment. That right moment should be at the pinnacle of some success, and she would know that the time was perfect. Once she cemented their relationship in this way, Ron would have no choice but to make her his own.

Once she entered the Gryffindor Common Room, she went to sit near Ron and Harry who were deep into a game of Wizard's chess.

"Where have you been?" Harry asked.

"Library."

"Hermione, you know you need to get out more, live a little," Ron said as he moved his bishop into check.

"You know what Ron? You just might be right." Hermione then stood and grabbed up her book bag full of new ideas, and headed towards the stairs to the girl's dormitory. Hermione's mind was racing about new opportunities, long-range plans, and first kisses. She was making a life transition tonight and there would be a whole new set of opportunities tomorrow. "Good night, boys," she said to Ron and Harry. As she mounted the stairs she muttered to herself, "I can't wait for you to wake up as _men_ one day."


End file.
